History in the Making

As I sit here at work during the aftermath of the Grand Jury decision, I am stricken with grief, sadness and bewilderment.  It is surreal to go through the motions, to treat this day like any other or to even begin to comprehend the magnitude of the effects on our nation. 

Civil Rights movements have altered the course of our nation.  It is chilling to be at the epicenter.

Five miles to the north, there is a war. 

Schools are closed.  Businesses have been looted and burned to the ground.  Law enforcement has been ridiculed and threatened.  Fear is omnipotent.

The devil is at work.

 In Jesus’ name, free us from the evil doer.

Keep Calm and Bake Pie

Last weekend was the annual Girl Scout Pie Event.  This is mine and Eva’s second year participating and I’m still not sure what the actual purpose is.  It costs me $30 for tickets that in theory I’m supposed to sell.  But, let’s be honest, who do I know that is going to attend?!?  If we don’t sell the tickets, we will have to pay the $30 fee for camp in February.  The fundraiser is to support the camping trip.  Cool.  But I’m spending the $30 either way….so….

 

The domesticated goddess who is Eva absolutely LOVES this event.  The past two years the weekend has fallen on her dad’s weekend.  Which means she gets to spend pretty much the entire weekend with me and without her brother and sisters.  It’s a pretty nice mom and Eva time.  And she seems to enjoy the female gender roles of fifty years ago.

 

On Friday night, we picked up some Mickey D’s and went to the test kitchen for the Girl Scout group bake.  We were once again instructed on how to make the pie crust.  I was once again dumbfounded by the lack of domestic ability in the other mothers.  At least their daughter might know how to make a proper pie in the future. 

 

Eva and I knocked out a total of 4 pies in less than an hour.  We should probably enter a speed baking contest.

 

Saturday afternoon, we cranked up some tunes, donned our aprons and got to baking.

 

 

She is seriously the cutest little baker!

I didn’t realize that I didn’t have enough shortening to make more than 2 pies, so I ended up going to the grocery store for the third time that day.  Also, I bought a steak.  Because…mmmm…..steak!

Eva did not want to go to the store.  It was snowing and cold.  She said she’d be okay staying home and letting me go.  Gee…thanks.

When I got back, she was cozied up in front of the fireplace watching, you guessed it, Gilmore Girls.  We are addicts.

I got the next set of pie crust ready.  She peeled herself away long enough to roll out the dough and pinch the ends. 

Once all of the pie crust was rolled out and in the oven, I got to work on the fillings.  Eva got to work on the 17^th episode of season 3.

We decided to go the custard/pudding route this year.  Mainly because I suck at baking.  I perused the selection of pudding I had on the shelf and came up with four different fillings:

 

Classic Chocolate Mousse

Mint Chocolate

White Chocolate Swirl

White Chocolate Caramel.

 

I also made a pecan pie because that is a sure fire hit with the old people at Church.  But I digress.

 

After the fillings were prepared, I set up a sample tasting for Eva.

 

 

 

She was able to rate each filling and thus decide which pie would go to the judges.

 

 

Gilmore Girls had nothing on eating pudding pie fillings.

The White Chocolate Caramel received a solid 8 from Eva.  The others were in close contention ranging from a 6.5 to 7.5.  Numbers don’t lie, so Eva entered the White Chocolate Caramel into the competition.

The event was, well, uneventful.  We sold all of our pies within the first 10 minutes of our shift.  Those specialty pies are a HUGE success!  For the record, the Pecan Pie was the first to go.  Old people love it!

Eva didn’t win the competition, but she did make and sell the most pies.  And we had a few elderly ladies ask us about our recipes for both the White Chocolate Caramel and the Pecan Pie.

This is a job well done in my book….and that’s all that really matters.

The Great Hair Crisis of 2014

I took Friday off work to have a surgical consult regarding the two cysts on my head.  I was under the impression that this procedure would be done in the office that day.  I was a little nervous but kept telling myself it wouldn’t be a big deal.  The surgeon examined the cysts and walked me through the procedure.  Again, I was thinking no big deal.  I had the whole day on Friday and through the weekend to recover if necessary so let’s get these things removed.

He then walked me down the hallway to what I thought would be more of a procedure room.  Instead, I was sitting in front of his assistant looking at the calendar for an appointment.  I said whenever was fine and took the first available for the following Thursday morning.

On the drive home, I was a little irritated that I had the whole day off and still had to schedule an appointment for another day that I didn’t have off.  Also, then I would need to return to work after the procedure. 

I read through the information before pulling into my sister’s driveway for a short visit.  The operation was scheduled in the surgery center.  There were pre-surgery requirements.  I would need to fast and arrive an hour early.  There were descriptions of stitches which would need another appointment to be removed and a mention of shaving hair off my head.

This was not sounding like a no big deal procedure any more.  This sounds like a real surgery.  There is no way I’m doing this in the morning and returning to work.  I will need at least a day to recover and a full weekend to fix my hair if there is some shaving involved.

And at that point, I decided this was not going to happen. 

Instead, I got a few inches chopped off my hair and colored it.  I decided that some read highlights would be a great idea for the fall and winter months, which in my head looked so classy.

In reality, I now have pink hair!

I couldn’t really decide how Rainbow Brite it looked until I got ready for Church Sunday morning.  It was completely unacceptable and embarrassing.  We ended up missing Mass altogether because I was still putting out my hair emergency. After another box of hair color, it looked slightly better but still punk rocker pink.

I’m hopeful that several washes and another color treatment next week will bring my hair back to normal.  I need normal before Thanksgiving!

Until then, it’s buns, pony tails and high hopes of nobody saying anything about it!

I cancelled my surgery appointment this morning, but now I’m wondering if the head shaving thing was really the right way to go.

What a disaster!

Honored

Yesterday was Veteran’s Day.  I didn’t really think much about it except noticing the banks and post offices were closed and the one million instagrams, tweets and status updates in regards to celebrating those that served.  My spirits have been a little low recently and it was hard for me to really consider the sacrifices and impact these men and women have had on our lives.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate it or don’t think they deserve to be honored, it just couldn’t get myself to a point that I felt like doing so.

That is until I got this text message from my dad.

 

 

I was driving to Incarnate from work and checked my phone at a red light.  I instantly started crying. 

Holy Trinity was celebrating our Veteran’s with a Mass and donut breakfast.  They do this every year and every year Alex asked for his great grandpa to go.  He had been asking my dad for several weeks now to bring his great grandpa.  His class was hosting the mass and breakfast and the rule was you had to have a Veteran there to get breakfast.  I’m pretty sure he was in it for the donuts!

Last weekend, though, he was talking to me about how much he wanted great grandpa to be there.  I was surprised by his sincerity in his request, although he totally wanted the donuts.  He teared up when he began to say that he didn’t know how much longer great grandpa might be around and he wanted to make sure he knew who he was.  He wanted great grandpa to come to his school and eat a special breakfast with him and tell him about what life was like when he was younger.

Of course this made me cry, too.

The kids visited great grandpa on Halloween.  He seemed confused and didn’t know who they were.  He thought Grace was me and he couldn’t recall the other kids’ names.  I tried to reassure them that it probably had more to do with them being dressed in costumes and me not being there. That made it harder for him to grasp a frame of reference.

Alex and Eva delightfully reported that he seemed completely with it yesterday.  He knew who they were and their names.  Eva did say he asked them several times what grade they were in, but that was only because he was making a joke out of it.  Something to the effect that if she was in third grade and Alex was in fifth grade then he must be in fourth grade because he was sitting between them.  She said he kept joking about never getting out of fourth grade and how he must be the oldest fourth grader ever!  Eva went on to say, “you know, mom, he’s pretty funny!”  She is right!  He has always been funny.

Great grandpa is now 88 years old.  He’s loved, married and buried two wives.  He’s raised four children and has buried one.  He has lived through the great depression, the cold war, served in the Navy in World War II and has lost all but one of his siblings.  He loves his kids, grandkids and great grandkids.  He is awe inspiring, funny, kind and above all heroic.  He is the patriarch of our family and because of him, we have learned to put God first and to love and honor our country and family.

I am so glad my kids got this special day with him and even more honored that they will have this memory to cherish.

In the Gray

I have to say I’ve done very little the last few days.  Sadly, I still just can’t shake this funk.  I’ve worked late a few days, went a Girl Scout meeting, parent teacher conferences, soccer games, concession stand shift and watched TV.  The kids pestered me enough with their OMG CAN WE GET OUT OF THE HOUSE PLEEEAASSEEEE!!!!! cry by Saturday afternoon that I finally broke down.  I took them to a movie at the dollar show and bought a large popcorn and soda to share.  I did this mainly to pacify them but also a movie requires zero energy or conversation.  The popcorn and soda served as lunch because I just couldn’t muster the time or thought process that goes into preparing a meal.  We went to Applebee’s for dinner following the movie for one simple reason.  I didn’t want to cook, think about cooking or talk about cooking.  I spent way too much money and have a huge amount of anxiety over that.  One meal out was the amount of one child’s entire Christmas budget.  And I want to go on vacation.  Why did I do this?  Of course the kids praised me as the best mom ever because seriously a movie at an actual theater and a dinner at an actual restaurant.  Five stars, mom. For real.

If only they knew the real reason behind this outing.  I would have been fine (actually better than fine) staying home with a $5 pizza and Netflix and not talking.

I am not depressed. 

I’m in a gray area. 

 

The weather is getting colder.  It’s just so blah right now.  It’s too early to plan for vacation.  It’s too early budget wise to shop for Christmas.  It’s too early to decorate the house and get in the Christmas spirit.  But the activities and beauty of the fall have come to an end.  Soccer is over.  Day trips and picnics are over.  The luster of autumn has come to an end. 

I’ve purchased a few items for Christmas because I got a ridiculously good deal on them.  I know of a few other items I want to buy, but I’m holding out hope that the Black Friday sales will bring those into an acceptable price range.

The next few days at work may be tough.  I’m in a slump and I’d rather punch someone in the face than communicate. 

I’m off on Friday for a surgical appointment.  The girl scout pie event is the main thing on my calendar for the weekend.  I get paid on Thursday so YAY! But that money has already been allocated with nothing left for fun.

I need to get out of my head, but I only want to stay in my head.  It’s a tough racket.

I need my spirits lifted ASAP!

Under the Weather

The first season change illness embarked on our household over the weekend.  And since the kids were with their I was the lucky recipient of said illness.  It started on Thursday night.  My throat was on fire, it was hard to swallow and I could feel the congestion building up.  I drank the rest of the fireball/turkey piss in hopes of fighting off the virus.  To no avail, I woke up Friday morning feeling like I had been hit by a freight train.

I tried to stick it out at work, since I was already scheduled to leave early.  But, I just couldn’t.  So at 10:30 am I called it quits.  I went home and slept for a few hours, made some soup, took a shower and geared up for Halloween night.

Saturday morning, we all slept in.  The kids and I watched movies and cuddled on the couch for a good portion of the morning then ventured out to two soccer games.  Both Alex and Eva lost, but it wasn’t as freezing cold as it was the day before.   For that, I am grateful.

Once I got back from the games, a little nap was in order.  I was still feeling pretty crappy but I had powered through.  Now, I couldn’t wait to rest.

I’m not very good at napping.  Typically I’ll get a 20 minute power nap that seriously changes my life.  Sometimes, I’ll try to sleep for a full hour.  Saturday, I slept for three and a half hours!  Straight!  No waking up. No tossing and turning.  It was daylight when I laid down and it was dark when I woke up.

I was a little disappointed that I slept my afternoon/evening away, but I was still feeling pretty bad.  I got up, made something to eat and laid back down on the couch.  I watch several episodes of Gilmore Girls that night and went back to bed.

Sunday was a little better, but I still couldn’t find the motivation to do ANYTHING.  I did finally grocery shop.  But that was it.

I had already taken Monday off work, so I figured I’d save all the laundry for then.  Grace was also off on Monday and Eva ended up coming home with a headache (not surprising).  I had a conference call I had to make and a doctor appointment scheduled for the afternoon, so the whole day ended up being tense.  I don’t do well when things are hanging over my head.

Now it’s back to work.  I can’t quite get out of the funk.  Some of it is probably this virus hanging around. The other part….seasonal depression.  I don’t know.  I just don’t want to clean, cook, or do any other motherly thing right now.  I just want to be in my own head, do my own thing and watch my own shows.  It sounds awful, but I don’t want to communicate with anyone…especially people who need things from me.

The kids are back with Chris tomorrow, Alex goes hunting on Thursday, work deadlines have been moved up a day, so there’s still a lot going on.  I just kind of want to check out of all of it.  It sure would be nice to just call in sick to life for a while.

All Hallow's Eve

Preparations for Halloween night were a little bit of a clusterf*** this year.  I always, always, always do the costumes for the kids.  And I almost always, always, always have a well coordinated theme for their costumes.

This year, though, Halloween was on a Friday and a Friday on the kids' weekend with their dad.  Since he is scheduled to take them trick or treating, I thought maybe it would be best for him just to run the whole holiday.  The kids are getting older and I wasn't sure how much they really even cared about my carefully crafted Halloween costume extravaganza.  I knew for sure that Grace wasn't going to participate. 

When I talked to the kids about Halloween back in September, they were okay with letting their dad take the lead.  They had talked to him about costumes and plans for the night on several different occassions and it seemed that they had things worked out to some degree.

I wasn't even a little bit sad about not stressing over the perfectly coordinated costumes.  I just couldn't seem to get into the Halloween spirit, so I let it go.

The kids spent the weekend of October 16th through 19th with Chris.  I was under the impression that they would be buying their costumes that weekend.  Alex and Eva had already said that they were going to the Halloween store to make a decision on costumes.  When they came home that Sunday, Alex said they were going to be zombies.  They hadn't bought anything for costumes, but did make a decision.

I wasn't exactly sure how the whole zombie thing was going to fly with Layla.  She's still terrified whenever anyone puts a mask on.  Not to mention, how Alex and Eva were going to do zombie make-up for their school parties.  But, I let this go too.

The following week the kids were with Chris on Wednesday and Thursday.  Being the last days he had them before Halloween weekend, the kids and I were certain he would purchase and/or acquire then necessary items for the Halloween costumes.  When they came home on Friday afternoon...one week before Halloween...and were not any closer to having costumes, I had a little bit of trouble letting it go. 

We were headed down to the Cape/Jackson area that weekend, so I did what I sometimes do best....obsess over it on the drive.

By the time the weekend was up, I had a pretty good contingency plan in place.  I emailed Chris to get a timeline for the holiday. 

His response was odd.  To sum it up, he said he thought the kids would be with me that night.  He'd be happy to keep them all weekend, but didn't think that was the plan nor made arrangements.  He also thought it was weird that the kids were talking to him about costumes.

He was telling the kids one thing and me a completely different thing.  And he really didn't think that we'd discuss the two different versions?!?  Not letting it go anymore.

I upgraded my contingency plan to THE PLAN, told him I'd take care of all of it, the kids would be staying with me and pulled off a pretty great themed holiday.  Oh and thanked God for my mother, who without, this would not have been possible.

From the pages of a storybook, I present:

Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf