In the Gray

I have to say I’ve done very little the last few days.  Sadly, I still just can’t shake this funk.  I’ve worked late a few days, went a Girl Scout meeting, parent teacher conferences, soccer games, concession stand shift and watched TV.  The kids pestered me enough with their OMG CAN WE GET OUT OF THE HOUSE PLEEEAASSEEEE!!!!! cry by Saturday afternoon that I finally broke down.  I took them to a movie at the dollar show and bought a large popcorn and soda to share.  I did this mainly to pacify them but also a movie requires zero energy or conversation.  The popcorn and soda served as lunch because I just couldn’t muster the time or thought process that goes into preparing a meal.  We went to Applebee’s for dinner following the movie for one simple reason.  I didn’t want to cook, think about cooking or talk about cooking.  I spent way too much money and have a huge amount of anxiety over that.  One meal out was the amount of one child’s entire Christmas budget.  And I want to go on vacation.  Why did I do this?  Of course the kids praised me as the best mom ever because seriously a movie at an actual theater and a dinner at an actual restaurant.  Five stars, mom. For real.

If only they knew the real reason behind this outing.  I would have been fine (actually better than fine) staying home with a $5 pizza and Netflix and not talking.

I am not depressed. 

I’m in a gray area. 

 

The weather is getting colder.  It’s just so blah right now.  It’s too early to plan for vacation.  It’s too early budget wise to shop for Christmas.  It’s too early to decorate the house and get in the Christmas spirit.  But the activities and beauty of the fall have come to an end.  Soccer is over.  Day trips and picnics are over.  The luster of autumn has come to an end. 

I’ve purchased a few items for Christmas because I got a ridiculously good deal on them.  I know of a few other items I want to buy, but I’m holding out hope that the Black Friday sales will bring those into an acceptable price range.

The next few days at work may be tough.  I’m in a slump and I’d rather punch someone in the face than communicate. 

I’m off on Friday for a surgical appointment.  The girl scout pie event is the main thing on my calendar for the weekend.  I get paid on Thursday so YAY! But that money has already been allocated with nothing left for fun.

I need to get out of my head, but I only want to stay in my head.  It’s a tough racket.

I need my spirits lifted ASAP!