Summer Bucket List: The Final Grade

Summer has officially come to an end.  Today I decided to take a look back at our Summer Bucket List.  I printed it out and sat down with my red pen to mark off all the items we completed this summer.  I was certain that we did great!  I knew we didn’t accomplish everything on the list, and I knew we wouldn’t even going into the summer.  The purpose was to guide our summer around family oriented activities.

So, as I went through the list line by line, I was surprised by some of the things I had on the list.  I didn’t remember adding some of these items and wondered if I was drunk when I put this list together.  Considering I was at work on a random Wednesday morning when I comprised this list, I could rule out the drunk thing.  I’m going to say I was being creative and a little over-ambitious with this quest.

We did accomplish quite a few things on the 69 item bucket list.  The number of items on the list was not done on purpose but did lead to a little chuckle today when I was counting them up.  Also, had me second guess the whole drunk thing.

With my red pen in hand, I started checking off all the fun stuff we did all summer.  I counted it all up and we scored a 32!  Out of 69.  Quick math, our final score on our Summer Bucket List is 46%.

We failed…miserably!

I don’t know where we went wrong.  I felt like we did so much this summer.  We definitely did things we hadn’t before.  Looking back, I probably should have used a rubric to grade our performance.  Clearly, some things were worth more points than others.  Does going on a walk really deserve as many points as jumping off a cliff at Fugitive Beach?  No.  That one should have been worth 1000 points!

Anyhoo,  I’ve selected 19 of the unchecked items that I still think we can do this fall.  Actually, I think some of them are better suited for the fall.  I don’t I want to be under the pressure of a bucket list, so I’m just going to keep them in my back pocket and surprise the kids when the time allows.

This Saturday may be the only Saturday all fall that we don’t have any plans….yet.  I’m hesitant to let anyone know that our day is wide open lest they obligate me to do something.  I’m also on a very, very tight budget through next week (because I want more spending money for my weekend in New Orleans…don’t judge).  So, I might have to turn to one or more of these activities to keep us occupied. 

With a few more weeks tacked on, we might just be able to pull our grade up to passing.

Anxiety and Love

Eva is smart, works hard and is very determined.  She also has a heart of gold and is my most sensitive child.  Out of all the kids, she is having the hardest time with the new custody schedule.  Like me, she craves structure and routine.  She gets very anxious when things are out of whack.  Although, she is becoming familiar with the new schedule, in my gut I know there is something bothering her.  I’ve given her lots of opportunities to tell me about what might be going on, but I really believe she can’t.  At eight years old, she can’t put into words what is causing her so much stress and anxiety.  There isn’t one outright “thing” that is going on at her dad’s house that she can pin point as the cause of her stress.  But, she is stressed!

Every time she comes home from her dad’s house, she is complaining of a stomach ache.  She cries and says it hurts, but there are no other symptoms.  Recently, she has also been complaining that it is hard to breathe.  It doesn’t hurt in her lungs nor is there any burning type of sensation.  She just says that she feels like she can’t get enough air.

By the second day they are back with me, she no longer has these symptoms.  I’ve done some research, and the only thing I can attribute it to is anxiety.

On their dad’s weekends, I pick up the kids on Sunday morning for Mass.  Through the service, both Alex and Eva lay on me.  I try to get them to sit up, and most times they do.  But they insist on having their heads on my shoulder or my arm wrapped around them or some other form of “cuddling.”  They are emotionally exhausted.  I know this feeling.  I lived it for thirteen years.  It is exhausting to try to keep up with the emotional/mental games of their father.  Alex informed me that Vanessa (their dad’s girlfriend) is now videotaping them whenever they do something that to her seems wrong.  This really bothers me, but I have no control over it either.  These kids have already been through so much and are just trying to cope in the three ring circus of the life their dad lives.  Now, they have to worry about being videotaped if they aren’t acting up to her standards.  Alex told me about this because he was being videotaped just that morning.  He couldn’t find a pair of jeans to wear to Mass and had asked for Grace to ask me to bring him a pair.  How was this bad behavior?!?

But, I’m getting off track here.

So, Eva is struggling.  But she doesn’t know how to explain or reason with why she feels the way she does.  Like I mentioned before, she is smart and caring and has a heart of gold.  Progress reports were sent out this weekend.  Here is what her teacher had to say about her:

 

He is exactly right in his assessment.  She does worry that her best may not be good enough.  I know this because I am very much this way.  I try to show her extra support and encouragement, but I also worry that my best parenting may not be good enough…especially to combat the lack of parenting in their father.

Our tradition on Sunday evenings is something we have all come to need as much as want.  We eat dinner, take showers, get into our comfy clothes and snuggle on the couch for a movie or T.V. show.  I know that the kids are craving affection especially after they come home from their dads.  They all want to be held and cuddled.  Eva will tell me countless times throughout the night that she loves me.  Although it is sweet, I can’t help but assume this is not the type of relationship they have with their dad.  Do they ever tell him “I love you” without being prompted?  Do they ever cuddle up and feel secure?  Is there any substance to their relationship?

I would bet the farm that the answer to this is no. 

I am so proud of each of my children.  My heart overflows with love for them.  Sometimes I look at them and cry…because God entrusted them to me and I love them so much.

So, whatever it is that Eva is dealing with…no matter if we are able to solve it or not…it is my pleasure to provide a stable, loving environment for her at all times.

Snap Shot Saturday: Homecoming Edition

Well, it is safe to say our first IWA homecoming was a huge success. Grace and her friends got together for pictures before heading to the big dance on Friday evening.  I took off work early to do her hair and make-up.  Obviously,  she was the most beautiful girl.

After the dance,  she went out to eat and had a sleepover with her friends. This morning,  was the official homecoming festivities and powder puff football game. By 3pm, all the girls looked like zombies!  I think that is a great sign of a fantastic weekend.

Now, I'm in my comfy clothes settled in for some Netflix. I've got my windows open, fall candles going and an Apple - Rita poured. This mama is ready for some down time. But not before I share the pictures.  Although I might be tired,  I am so proud of this beautiful girl!

A Night at the Ball Park

Back in June, Alex and Eva won tickets to the Cardinals Baseball game through the summer reading program at our county library.  I was really shocked when the letter and ticket vouchers came in the mail.  We’ve attempted to do the summer reading program for several consecutive summers.  We have always failed.  Well, wait, let me rephrase that.  I have always failed.  They have always been eager participants.  I have not been very good at going to and from the library to turn in their forms and get new books.  This summer, we put the summer reading club on our bucket list and I committed to helping them complete it.

After the first prize stop, they were able to enter a drawing for the baseball tickets.  I put both of their names in and never thought about it again.  A few weeks later, the letter and voucher were in the mailbox.  And not just for one of them, but BOTH!  I still have my suspicions that the librarians may have rigged the drawing based on the level of smitteness they had taken with Alex and Eva.  But, who am I to judge.

Each voucher was good for 2 tickets so we had just enough to take the whole family.  Granted, Layla would have to sit on my lap, but whoo hoo free baseball game.  When they got the vouchers, we had just gone to a game the week before.  A game in which I purchased tickets at a ridiculously low rate.  Even though it was scorching hot at that game and we were as far in the nose-bleed section as possible, we still had a great time!

For this go around, I decided on bleacher seats.  Of course there were many blacked out dates that the tickets couldn’t be used and with the visitation schedule with their dad in combination with the Cardinals home gameschedule, I found one date that would work…and Eva would have to miss soccer practice.  She made the sacrifice and we went to the game last night.

With the exception of Layla, everyone was in a great mood yesterday afternoon.  From the time I picked her up from the babysitter all she did was cry.  She looked exhausted and maybe a little under the weather.  I thought dinner (French Dip sandwiches and chips courtesy of my forethought crock pot dinner idea) and a little down time at home would lighten her mood.  It didn’t.  At 6pm, I made the executive decision that she wasn’t going to the game.  It broke my heart, but I rationalized that at 3 years old she wouldn’t remember that we went without her.  Plus, she has no interest in baseball at this age.  It was a chilly 60 degrees.  And her incessant crying would probably turn what was supposed to be a fun night into a living nightmare for all of us.

My mom agreed to keep Layla and the big kids and I went to the game. 

Because I’m going to New Orleans in two weeks and Christmas is only a few months away, and I have high school tuition and attorney fees to pay, I’ve been operating on a very, very tight budget the last few months.  I was a little nervous about even being able to afford the game even though the tickets were FREE!  But doing what I do best, I improvised.   The most expensive part of a professional sporting activity is the concession stand.  However, Busch Stadium (and maybe other stadiums, too) allows you to bring in your own snacks.  It’s a little restrictive such as no glass, no cans, no alcohol, but better than nothing.

I made some popcorn after work packed some drinks for me and the kids.  Now I know they don’t allow cans or alcohol, but I thought I’d take a little bit of a risk and “sneak” in a beer or two.  The secret to this is to have the beer cans positioned strategically in the bag.  Typically the worker feels the bag and pokes around on the top.  They don’t have you remove every item…which is perfect when you are pinching pennies.  We got ourselves and our snacks and drinks in without a hitch.

The game was great!  It was a really nice evening weather wise.  We were prepared with sweatshirts, jackets and blankets.  It was a rather slow game with no score or hits going into the sixth inning.  This, too, was actually perfect.  It meant the game wasn’t going too late and it gave us all an opportunity to chat and catch up without me wrangling a 3 year old.

In the bottom of the sixth, the Cardinals scored the first run.  Quickly followed by a second run.  The crowd was on their feet and very, very loud!  The kids had never experienced this level of excitement at a game.  They were laughing and cheering and overwhelmed with joy.  We left our seat when there were 2 outs in the top of the 9^th and nobody on.  As long as nothing crazy happened, the Cardinals would win and we’d be on our way to the car.  Within seconds of getting to the gate, fireworks went off declaring it was a winner!

What makes this game so special is that every win matters now!  The Cardinals are in hot pursuit of a play-off ticket.  They are now one game closer.

It was a great night with my big kids.  And total cost of the evening….$15.

Top 20 and Above the Line

Last night, Incarnate was hosting the Top 20 presentation with Willow Sweeney.  Last night, was also payroll Tuesday.  I was hopeful I would get out of work in time to make the presentation.  But, luck was not on my side.  I did make it out of work in enough time to go home and pick up Alex and head straight to his soccer practice.

While waiting at his practice, I google searched the presentation and was delighted to find the entire 90 minutes on You Tube.  Now, I am sure the live presentation was a bit different and most likely better, but I really, really enjoyed the whole concept and Willow’s way of presenting.

So, here are my take a ways from the presentation.  And, let me just say, I’m really excited that the students (Grace included) will be hearing this presentation today).

The Top 20 refers to the twenty percent of people that are successful.  We’ve all heard that before.  What was interesting is how she explains potential and achieving that twenty percent.  It’s not so much as a destination but the journey.  And once you hit the top 20 doesn’t mean that’s where you’ll stay.  You’ll have days in the bottom 80, days in the top 20 and days in between. 

I think the part that hit home with me most, though, was the choosing your attitude to situations and realizing when you are not in the right frame of mind.  What she refers to as Above the Line days and Below the Line days was quite inspiring.  Also noting that you can be in the Top 20 and have Below the Line days.  Learning how to “keep your day” in the below the line situations is key.

I’m really glad I was introduced to Willow Sweeney and this concept by Incarnate.  Although I couldn’t be there in person, it resonated with me enough to seek out the presentation.  Of course, a lot of it is common sense to me, it is always good to hear.

Recently, I have been experiencing a lot of Below the Line days.  I’ve been reacting recently in a lot of Below the Line ways.  I have been at a loss as to how to pull myself out of this Below the Line life style.  I know I want better.  And I’m quite fulfilled in my life.  Yet, I couldn’t seem to get out of this angry, negative slump.

Now, I don’t think that this presentation is a miracle worker.  I know I must do the work.  But, through this presentation, I’ve gotten a new perspective.  And, honesty, I think that is the first step in the right direction.

So, I’m going to continue my day in an Above the Line way!

And hopefully show my kids by example how to choose to live this way as well.

Thanks, Willow!  I needed this more now than I even knew.

Almost Fall

According to the calendar, we have a few more weeks until the official start of fall.  However, this past weekend we kicked off autumn with soccer, a school carnival and some cuddling on the couch.

Alex and Eva are both really good soccer players.  From a young age, they just seemed to get the game.  While the other kids were following the ball, they have always worked their way down the field for a pass.  The most frustrating part of this was that the other kids didn't know how to pass.  And oftentimes they were off-sides...not really a big deal in the younger yeasrs. Regardless, when the ball would break way from the pack, they were able to swoop in and get it.  They were also able to take it down the field and shoot.  They have always been goal scorers.

Now that they are little older and their teams and skills have advanced, I wasn't too sure that they'd be in the positions to continue to score.  This past weekend, they both played mid-field which seems to be a good fit for them.  It takes a lot of running and stamina, but they both really excel there. 

I'm proud to say that both Eva and Alex scored goals for their teams this weekend!

 

On Saturday, we attended the annual school carnival.  It was pretty much the same as last year.  The kids always have fun and I always leave thinking that we definitely won't go again next year.  We always end up going.

 

This week is Spirit Week for Grace at Incarnate.  After many tears and a few screaming matches, we found an acceptable dress on Saturday for homecoming.  She doesn't love it, but seriously it's one dance out of a million!  She's been having all kinds of fun this week at school. 

 

Monday was Disney Day and she went as her all-time favorite, Tinker Bell.



 

Tuesday was Red and Gold Day.

 

Today is Fake an Injury Day....still waiting for that picture.  Tomorrow is Frat Day followed by Class T-Shirts on Friday.

 

She's pretty excited about the weekend festivities, as am I.

 

By the time we got to Sunday, we were all exhausted.  It was cool and a little rainy so no better thing to do then have homemade soup and snuggle on the couch for some big brother.

As all weekends do, it came to an end all too soon.

 

Here's to hoping for a fast work week so we can get back to the weekend fun!

 

 

 

One for the "Journey"

When I started writing here in my new space, I said I wasn’t going to talk much about my divorce.  I switched venues and chose a new name as a way to leave the negative past behind.  I wanted a place that was about my journey with my kids.  However, as much as I’d like to pretend he is no longer a part of our lives, he does still exist.

And here I am, for two days in a row talking about him.  He doesn’t deserve any of my time or mental energy, but when my kids are involved, I have to pay attention.  My number one goal of this blog is for the kids to have a place to return to remember our journey.  The good parts, mainly.  But it’s really only fair to give them the bad and ugly as well.

I don’t mean to bash their father.  He had just as much of a role in their existence as I did.  The difference is that beyond creation, he really has no claims to fatherhood.  What I for so long  dismissed, ignored or made excuses for has now become a glaring declaration of who he truly is and stands for.  Although the emotionlessness and psycho babble still have the ability to enrage me, I have learned a lot in how to handle these types of situations.  I think that is why the events on Sunday disturbed me so much.  I’ve come too far to sink back to his level.

But part of getting healthy is to be able to make mistakes and move on.  One of his favorite ways to torment me was to make everything my fault.  He was really good at this.  And mentally, I still think about every situation as to how I could have prevented it from happening.  It’s sick that this is what he has done to me.  If a glass broke, I should have known it’s placement in the cabinet and exercised precise movement in opening the cabinet to avoid the glass from falling.  If I couldn’t do that, than I should have anticipated it falling and used nothing less than ninja like skills to prevent it from hitting the ground.  Crazy!  But this is how he manipulated and how I lived.  I am still recovering….it is a long road. 

Here’s a great example of distracting from the matter at hand and spinning the situation to place the blame elsewhere:

On Wed, 09/10/14 at 8:01 AM, Renee Rodriguez wrote:

To: Chris Rodriguez

Subject: Child Support (September)

Message:

Good Morning,

The first child support payment for September has not posted to the CSS account as of this morning.

Can you tell me when you made the payment?

It was due on 9/1 (which was a holiday) so I figured there would be somewhat of a delay. However, it's now over a week past due and worrisome that it hasn't been posted to be dispersed. I will call them, but wanted to get any information from you first.

Thanks for your help.

 

On Wed, 09/10/14 at 8:11 AM, Chris Rodriguez wrote:

To: Renee Rodriguez

Subject: RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

that is concerning. it was sent on 9/2. I'll follow up with them today

 

On Wed, 09/10/14 at 8:44 AM, Renee Rodriguez wrote:

To: Chris Rodriguez

Subject: RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

I just talked with CSS. They have not received anything since 8/21. They advised for me to call the Jeff City office, but that I'd need some additional information.

I need to know the check number, amount and date of the check.

Can you provide that information, please?

Thanks.

 

·         From:Chris Rodriguez

·         To: Renee Rodriguez (First View: 09/10/2014 9:18 AM)

·         Sent:09/10/2014 9:17 AM

·         Subject:RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

at the hospital now. will check when i get to office. wanna say 2880. 412.69 but can't say for sure. the address they gave me is Jeff city though if that helps.

 

On Wed, 09/10/14 at 9:37 AM, Chris Rodriguez wrote:

To: Renee Rodriguez

Subject: RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

amount was $412.61. check is either 4880 or 4879. sorry brad doesn't record them very well. can u give me the number that u call? maybe I can send directly to them or set up direct deposit. getting the run around at Jeff city usually and seems silly to send it out there in the first place if there's any other option.

 

On Wed, 09/10/14 at 9:44 AM, Renee Rodriguez wrote:

To: Chris Rodriguez

Subject: RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

Thanks.

They said it was received yesterday and is processing.

Their number is 888-761-3665.

Do you know why the amount is $412.61? CS is $794 plus a retro amount of $100 bringing the total to $894. That in 2 payments should be $447.00.

Also, I never received a payment for school supplies. That amount owed is $118.00.

 

·         From:Chris Rodriguez

·         To: Renee Rodriguez (First View: 09/10/2014 10:34 AM)

·         Sent:09/10/2014 10:30 AM

·         Subject:RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

It was your decision to purchase school supplies without consulting me. Just because you decide to create an expense for me, it does not require me to pay it. That would be like me going in and creating an expense for all the new shoes I bought for all the kids and expecting you to pay for it, just because I created an expense in the system. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate that, or feel as if you should pay it.

It comes down to better communication. I could have just as easily gotten school supplies and actually already had some. But the fact of the matter is that you would prefer to control everything. I may contribute some money towards this "expense" but in the future, we need to agree on an amount before you just decide, on your own, to go buy whatever you decide to, spending whatever you decide to, then expecting me to pay for 1/2.

In order for us to come to an agreement on these situations, we need a list of supplies that are needed. Then, we can discuss whether or not we can split the acquisition of the list, or if one of us is going to grab everything and receive any compensation.

Regarding the amount of the child support, the amount is correct. I suggest you take it up with Family Support Services, as they provided the amount to be garnished from my wages. I suspect it has to do with my pay periods being bi-weekly.

Have a great day. Thanks.

 

·         From:Renee Rodriguez

·         To: Chris Rodriguez (First View: Never)

·         Sent:09/10/2014 10:57 AM

·         Subject:RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

School supplies are not an expense we need to agree upon. As the custodial parent, it is my right to purchase items that the children need and to submit the expense for reimbursement. I provided a detailed receipt of items purchased. As the non-custodial parent, it is your right to communicate with me in regards to certain items (i.e. school supplies) that you would like to purchase for the children. If you would have communicated with me, we could have made different arrangments on these supplies. However, it is my responsibility as the custodial parent to provide for the kids needs. I cannot simply wait for you to ask how you can help.

If you purchased any supplies, please feel free to keep them at your house for the kids to complete homework while they are with you (as outlined in the parenting plan). Alex has already had missing assignments from the nights he was with you. His reasoning for not completing the assignments was that there was no loose leaf paper at your house. I have supplied an additional pack of paper for Alex to keep in his book bag, so that this situation does not arise again.

The family wizard is the communication tool that is used for these items. I have followed all requirements in regards to communication. The parenting plan and this family wizard are in place so that I do not have to ask your permission to purchase items that the kids require. If you really wished to contribute towards school supplies in a manner other than reimbursement, you would have needed to communicate that to me. You also received the school supply list just as I did.

Sadly, I don't expect to see any type of reimbursement from you for this or any other expense. However, as dictated through court order, I will continue to submit expenses for reimbursement and continue to follow up on these expenses.

Thank you for the information in regards to the child support amount. I will talk to our case worker about this along with a several other items.

 

 

Wow!  And to think this is how he communicated with me for over 13 years.  Here’s how I can decipher it now.

 

First of all, it’s “concerning” because you didn’t actually mail the payment on 9/2 like you are saying you did.  And I know that now.  You will call them because you don’t want me to find out that you didn’t really send the check when you are saying you did.

It’s also Brad’s fault that he doesn’t keep good records. Although we both know you are the one that does the “record keeping”.  You also need the number so that you can call to see if you can get them to lie on your behalf or cause a scene before I make the inquiry.  Too bad I called prior to receiving the updated information.  Funny thing, they were able to tell me what I needed with the first set of information you provided.  Weird that you are getting the “run around” when the only thing you have to do is put a check in the mail….but again, it’s not your fault.  The lady I talked to ensured me that the check was not mailed on 9/2, but there was no reason to tell him that. 

He really thought I might just forget about the school supply expense he still owes.  His first sentence really sums up exactly how he views his children and his role as a parent:

 

“It was your decision to purchase school supplies without consulting me”

 

Are you kidding me?!?  I didn’t go buy them $200 shoes and ask you to pay for them.  I didn’t take them on a vacation and ask you to split the cost.  I didn’t even enroll them in a sport and request you pay half.  The law requires children to go to school.  Whether public or private, schools supplies have to be purchased every, single year.  Has he not stepped foot in a store in the last 3 months?!? Back to school sales were all over the place. 

And the fact that I’m asking for $118 for supplies for 3 kids…meaning I spent $236 to send the kids to school with all of the supplies they need... is too exuberant for your budget?!?  Heck….I should have been praised for the bargain hunting that took place to outfit 3 kids for school at that price.  But, the money isn’t the issue.  It’s the control.

Oh wait….that’s what you are saying I’m doing.  I’m trying to control the situation.

That brings me to my favorite quote:

”Every projection the sociopath spews in your direction is soaked with the truth of who and what he is; not who are what you are.”

It does come down to better communication.  If you wanted to buy school supplies for the kids, YOU should have communicated that to ME.  Not the other way around.  And those few supplies you did buy?  What were they?  Clearly not loose leaf, pens or pencils.  I supplied additional materials for the kids to keep in their backpacks so they could do their homework while at your house.  Hmmm….

 

The school really should have provided us with a list. 

Oh wait….they did! 

At the Back to School Night in which you attended with the kids. 

You were given a list of all of the supplies the kids were going to need.  It was one week before school started.  You had the kids that whole weekend and you had the kids on their first day of school.  You didn’t even know I had gone out on my “off weekend” and purchased the supplies they needed.  I kept the receipt and refrained from labeling any of the items until the night before their first day of school.  Then, I met the kids on their first day with all of their supplies.  Not once did you even think about what they needed to go back to school. 

You literally took them to their first day of school with nothing other than the back pack I sent with them. 

 

Regarding the amount of child support…that question I asked was rhetorical.  Just curious if you had any idea what was going on.  I knew you didn’t.

 

“Have a great day.”  Hahahaha!  Dude, I’ve dealt with you for a long time. I know what that means….translation….”Go Fuck Yourself”

 

I took some deep breaths, got a cup of coffee and scripted my response.  Then I re-read it.  And read it again.

 

·         From:Renee Rodriguez

·         To:

o    Chris Rodriguez

·         Sent:09/10/2014 10:57 AM

·         Subject:RE: Child Support (September)

Message:

School supplies are not an expense we need to agree upon. As the custodial parent, it is my right to purchase items that the children need and to submit the expense for reimbursement. I provided a detailed receipt of items purchased. As the non-custodial parent, it is your right to communicate with me in regards to certain items (i.e. school supplies) that you would like to purchase for the children. If you would have communicated with me, we could have made different arrangements on these supplies. However, it is my responsibility as the custodial parent to provide for the kids’ needs. I cannot simply wait for you to ask how you can help.

If you purchased any supplies, please feel free to keep them at your house for the kids to complete homework while they are with you (as outlined in the parenting plan). Alex has already had missing assignments from the nights he was with you. His reasoning for not completing the assignments was that there was no loose leaf paper at your house. I have supplied an additional pack of paper for Alex to keep in his book bag, so that this situation does not arise again.

The family wizard is the communication tool that is used for these items. I have followed all requirements in regards to communication. The parenting plan and this family wizard are in place so that I do not have to ask your permission to purchase items that the kids require. If you really wished to contribute towards school supplies in a manner other than reimbursement, you would have needed to communicate that to me. You also received the school supply list just as I did.

Sadly, I don't expect to see any type of reimbursement from you for this or any other expense. However, as dictated through court order, I will continue to submit expenses for reimbursement and continue to follow up on these expenses.

Thank you for the information in regards to the child support amount. I will talk to our case worker about this along with a several other items.

 

It is the best way to deal with a person like him. 

Being Human

I let the ex get to me on Sunday.  I lost my cool and behaved in a way that I regret.  I know what he is.  I know why he does what he does.  I know how I should handle him and these types of situations.  But, I am human and I let him get me right where he wanted me.

Dealing with a sociopath is never, ever easy.  I can’t play his game anymore, but always being on guard, watching everything I say or do and staying one step ahead of him is impossible to maintain at all times. 

I think what got me most in this particular situation was his complete lack of emotion.  I didn’t really hear what he was saying.  I couldn’t analyze the words he was using or the way he deflected the truth of the situation.  I couldn’t turn away and think.  I reacted.  And I reacted badly.

The situation at hand was two-fold.  First, he neglected to return any shoes from the weekend for Layla.  I was down to one pair of tennis shoes that were a little two small.  I am still missing 2 pairs of tennis shoes and 3 pairs of flip flops.  Stupid situation to be in but even more stupid for it to escalate to extreme it did.

The second situation was that he drove our children in a 5 passenger vehicle with 6 people.  Not a huge deal…except that it is.  He has five DWI’s and is on probation.  Plus, this “squeezing in” so that his girlfriend can ride along is becoming the norm more than the exception.  This is where my concern was.

However, since I brought this up after I asked for him to return some shoes, he spun everything to make it seem like I was “freaking out” over a pair of shoes. 

I hate that I let him bring me to the reaction he did.  I regret that I said some pretty awful things to him while my kids were present.  I despise the fact that he could stand there emotionless and paint me as a “crazy person.”

I’m pissed that I have to deal with this sociopath!

I am angry.  I’m angry that it took me almost 13 years to see him for what he truly is.  I’m angry that I have to attempt to “co-parent” with him.  Although, there really isn’t any co-parenting.  It’s me parenting and him using his own children however he sees fit.

When the kids come home from their visitations, they are emotionally drained.  The lack of affection is so evident in each one of them.  They cannot be hugged, kissed, cuddled and loved enough after time with him.  He is sucking their energy and spirits….just like he did to me for almost 13 years.  The amount of anxiety each of them have after a weekend with him is huge.  Eva, my most sensitive of them all, stayed home from school yesterday because she was so wrought with anxiety and so drained.  I, too, had to stay home.  She slept for 3 hours in the morning cuddled in my arms.  Then she ate lunch and cuddled in my arms for a movie.  She slept for 2 more hours wrapped in my arms.  She felt sick to her stomach and had a headache….all side effects from anxiety.

We are supposed to have a case worker assigned to oversee the addendum in regards to additional classes and restrictions that Chris must adhere to.  One of these things includes me being provided a log book or where he goes and why when driving our children.  It also reports each time he has to “blow” into the interlock system.

I’ve reached out to my lawyer again today.  Our divorce was final in July and now two months later our case still isn’t in the hands of the case worker.  I find this unacceptable. I find his lack of remorse for his illegal driving disgusting.  I find the fact that he has also been driving them in vehicles that aren’t equipped with the interlock system dangerous.

I’m at my wit’s end and starting to feel like the crazy person again.  I have to keep reminding myself that protecting my children…or at least attempting to….does not make me crazy.  It makes me a good parent.

It’s his behavior that is crazy.  It is him that is not a fit parent.

I only wish I could get the courts to see this.  I’m terrified that by the time they do, it will be too late.