Dealing with a sociopath is never, ever easy. I can’t play his game anymore, but always
being on guard, watching everything I say or do and staying one step ahead of
him is impossible to maintain at all times.
I think what got me most in this particular situation was his
complete lack of emotion. I didn’t
really hear what he was saying. I couldn’t
analyze the words he was using or the way he deflected the truth of the situation. I couldn’t turn away and think. I reacted.
And I reacted badly.
The situation at hand was two-fold. First, he neglected to return any shoes from
the weekend for Layla. I was down to one
pair of tennis shoes that were a little two small. I am still missing 2 pairs of tennis shoes
and 3 pairs of flip flops. Stupid
situation to be in but even more stupid for it to escalate to extreme it did.
The second situation was that he drove our children in a 5 passenger
vehicle with 6 people. Not a huge deal…except
that it is. He has five DWI’s and is on probation. Plus, this “squeezing in” so that his
girlfriend can ride along is becoming the norm more than the exception. This is where my concern was.
However, since I brought this up after I asked for him to return
some shoes, he spun everything to make it seem like I was “freaking out” over a
pair of shoes.
I hate that I let him bring me to the reaction he did. I regret that I said some pretty awful things
to him while my kids were present. I
despise the fact that he could stand there emotionless and paint me as a “crazy
person.”
I’m pissed that I have to deal with this sociopath!
I am angry. I’m angry that
it took me almost 13 years to see him for what he truly is. I’m angry that I have to attempt to “co-parent”
with him. Although, there really isn’t
any co-parenting. It’s me parenting and
him using his own children however he sees fit.
When the kids come home from their visitations, they are
emotionally drained. The lack of
affection is so evident in each one of them.
They cannot be hugged, kissed, cuddled and loved enough after time with
him. He is sucking their energy and
spirits….just like he did to me for almost 13 years. The amount of anxiety each of them have after
a weekend with him is huge. Eva, my most
sensitive of them all, stayed home from school yesterday because she was so
wrought with anxiety and so drained. I,
too, had to stay home. She slept for 3
hours in the morning cuddled in my arms.
Then she ate lunch and cuddled in my arms for a movie. She slept for 2 more hours wrapped in my
arms. She felt sick to her stomach and
had a headache….all side effects from anxiety.
We are supposed to have a case worker assigned to oversee the
addendum in regards to additional classes and restrictions that Chris must
adhere to. One of these things includes
me being provided a log book or where he goes and why when driving our children. It also reports each time he has to “blow”
into the interlock system.
I’ve reached out to my lawyer again today. Our divorce was final in July and now two months later our case still isn’t in the hands of the case worker. I find this unacceptable. I find his lack of remorse for his illegal driving disgusting. I find the fact that he has also been driving them in vehicles that aren’t equipped with the interlock system dangerous.
I’m at my wit’s end and starting to feel like the crazy person
again. I have to keep reminding myself that
protecting my children…or at least attempting to….does not make me crazy. It makes me a good parent.
It’s his behavior that is crazy.
It is him that is not a fit parent.
I only wish I could get the courts to see this. I’m terrified that by the time they do, it
will be too late.
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